Novzix : A Tiny Dot In This Gigantic Galaxy

I found this wonderfully written poem in my mailbox n would like to share with all
Just a Word

         A Careless Word
         May Kindle Strife;
         A Cruel Word
         May Wreck a Life.
         A Bitter Word
         May Hate Instill;
         A Brutal Word
         May Smite and Kill.
         A Gracious Word
         May Smooth The Way;
         A Joyous Word
         May Light The Day.
         A Timely Word
         May Lessen Stress;
         A Loving Word
      
  May Heal and Bless

Weeks ago, months ago … We were all struggling and stressing out to PASS, not with super flying colours but PASS. And it all didn’t turn out so bad after all Now, if people say final year project is hard, I would say, oh it was like letting the air out of ur body only - FARTING

There’s NO words to thank people around me who have provided TREMENDOUS help, support, guidance and love. I owe these people for life. I would love to list out all the people so much but I’m so afraid I’d miss out a few so I better don’t lah. YOU know who you are.

Wanna drive?

The FRIEND who has given me full support physically & mentally throughout my journey. *there are others too!*

Yay! But where’s the whole class?

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

To conclude, I’m stealing a speech by Lost main actor, Matthew Fox who was invited to give a graduation speech very recently in his own college.

“You may have an idea
where you want to be in 20 years and some of you will get there. But if
you do, I guarantee you won’t have let yourself take chances. 18 years
ago sitting in these seats, as hung over as I was, I remember a sense
of accomplishment & a sense of fear. In defining the future for
yourselves, the safest choice may not be the best choice.”

“Live for your own
passion, not the aspirations or expectations others have for you. Trade
fear for trust. Allow yourself to find that area either of your
excellence or your excitement that motivates you to apply the same
focus and energy that got you through MMU. Whatever that area is,
there is value in it simply because it is the area of your passion.

“Finally and most importantly, do not apologize. One of the
most beautiful things you can see is that moment of which a person
stops apologizing for who they are and what they want to do and who
they want to be and they drop being themselves. That’s it, that’s all
the wisdom I’ve got to offer.

“As of tomorrow you are the author of your own life. I’m
excited about what I get to do. I get to tell stories but equally as
exciting as that to me is the story each one of you is yet to write.
The first chapter is coming to a close, where the story goes from here
is up to you. Congratulations class of 2007!”

I’m so full of crappy feelings I feel like xploding into pieces o_O
And no it has nothing to do with my period.

I’ve tried so many times to let it out, to try to talk it out, to confide in someone I trust. But I find myself crawling back into my own shell of protection. I can’t seem to swallow my pride and tell the great tale. I took pride in what I did. Part of me still believes what I had done was actually noble. Another part of me convinces me that it was utter stupidity. And I keep forcing myself to disagree with the latter. Cuz i’m prideful. It’s a hard battle. But I know the truth, deep inside I know I’m sinking.

Every single waking moment, every single frown I make with my unkempt eyebrows, every single breathe I make, even in my dreams, I think about it, I ponder about it, I meditate on it. Except for the times I force myself to laugh at things, it’s my only place of shelter. It’s been so long since I felt it’s so hard to share what I feel and what I’m going through with people just because of my stupid pride and also because I’m holding on to the positive side of me that whispers to me, "It’s all gonna be alright soon, have faith."

I thought work could take my mind off it, but the more I try to ignore somethin’, the more it haunts me. People say it’s harder avoiding somethin’ than facing it. It’s true in some sense but it’s not easy to just face somethin’ when ur heart is frail.

                                              ~ I miss happiness, smiles & laughter ~

Well I wont back down, no I wont back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I wont back down

Gonna stand my ground, wont be turned around
And Ill keep this world from draggin me down
Gonna stand my ground and I wont back down

Hey baby, there aint no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground
And I wont back down.

Well I know whats right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin me around
But Ill stand my ground and I wont back down

Hey baby there aint no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground
And I wont back down
No, I wont back down

I’ve gotta keep my energy high and spirit burning despite having only had 2 hours of sleep making paper dolls for sale. I’ve gotta remain constantly cool as long as I can for I  will need all the breakdowns n tears soon. So for now =D Teehee…

Why do all good things must come to an end?

People are being disorganized,
The Weather is being Temperamental.
People are being Unpredictable.
Health is getting worse.

People around me are getting health problems,
People are gettin in and out of hospitals,
She’s worried about her daddy’s tumour,
He’s working hard for next year’s performance,
I’m worried about my health.

Honestly What Will Become Of Me
Don’t Like Reality
It’s Way Too Clear To Me
But Really Life is Daily
We Are What We Don’t See
Missed Everything Daydreaming

*Nelly Furtado - All Good Things (Come To And End)

Tired of living life full of other ppl’s expectations and hopes. Life’s full of maggotz when u can’t get away with it, ur imprisoned by chaos n confusion of others, ur locked in from the inside of sombody’s insane brain full of maggots n dead rodents and you get beaten again n again by the rattan stick of evil, lies and cruelty. Is this the reality of the working world? I don’t think so and I don’t think I or anybody deserved it.

So why don’t we look the other way? Ignore life and be a pet! Like this.

And click here to watch their video.

Bleh.
CNY became boring after the 2nd Day. I’ve got no one to meet, no place to visit, nothing to do, no one to gamble with, no more ang pows to collect. Celebrating CNY in KL is a total boredom especially when your parents leave for someplace else already and you have no relatives here and people who have been entertaining you are on their journey back home right now.

So, I’m moving back to Cyber 1st thing in the mornin tmr. I miss my comp, I miss work. Not trying to say that I’m a workaholic, but sitting around doin nothin is not gonna help me mentally.

Came across this in the Friendster Horoscopes today for Leo.

Cute, lovable, bubbly, black Bibble loved by all, adored by everyone who saw her, dotted by all who held her in their palms. Since the day she was born, she’d captured many "visitors" attention as she’s the darkest, the blackest and the most different of all. She used to have a special aura around her that makes ppl smile and make ppl call her name endlessly. Whenever anyone pokes his/head into her "house" to peep at her, she’d hold her head up high and kinda give u that look that says "who’s lookin at me?" "who?" "who?"

Not a day went by without anyone NOT touching her, NOT holding her, NOT calling her name.

She got sick all of a sudden yesterday, she refused to eat, to drink, to move nor to open her eyes. And she just passed 5 mins ago. Buried in my front yard with the other 2 hams who had died earlier. Thanks to Gigiless Ling n Toilet Paper n Cumi2 n others who have shown concerns by ur midnight calls and smses. Thanks mom for the prayer and dad for suggesting that she should have taken dissolved panadols(which i didn’t) and for burying her nicely. I’m sure with so much love from all, Bubbly Bibble will be resting very peacefully right now, without pain, without sorrow.

Havin dealt with so many deaths of human n animals lately, this has all pretty much strengthened my soul to accept deaths, to be detached from them, recover quickly so that I can attend to those who are still with me … …

Filled with overflowing enthusiasm and bursting with new found spirit and energy, off I went to class earlier than usual … … …

And I came home feelin’ beaten, frustrated, disappointed, and nothing made sense.

So when house mates of different majors came back, we started bitchin’ about how bitchy our "superiors" can be. We got tired … and BORED. Again. Well, yesterday we almost traveled to Malacca but nobody had the energy to drive.

And the next minute I know? We were in Chinatown lookin’ for some interesting stuff, a diversion from the usual things I used to do when I visited that place. We end up in the most unexpectedly, unbelievably tiny interesting shop. Came out 2 hours later. With >RM500 (not me, 6 of us ok?) burnt from our purses.

And and and? We went to the wonderful-full-of-fooddddddddzzzz night market @ Bukit Jalil which operates every Tuesday? I guess? I almost tripped over a few beggars on the floor who were literally lying face down, sleeping or praying?! I have nuuuu idea.

I had Taiwan Pizza, Fried Vegetables or whatever it is, "Chestnut" jelly?, and my alllll time favourite Fried Ice-Cream! v(^o^) They’re alot of vegetarian food there than you could ever imagine. Actually I had wanted more, but I guess I’m on a li’l tiny winy weeeee bit of d.i.e.t, which I thought I could never ever succeed in. But still, I don’t wanna be fatto fatto ( *0* )

Most unexpectedly, I met Angelene! Oh how sweet to see my angelic neighbor from hometown in a Pasar Malam (of all the places in the world). She’s as sweet as ever but she w’s standing over me like I was a dwarf. I’ve only missed seeing her for like 4 years? oh gawd.

Alright I’m off to bed.

Toodles,
sleepy-tmrgotclass-gotosleep-lin.

With the internet connection still being a sucker, it makes staying alone at home here in Cyberia depressing and frustrating.

Many people asked me, "Your holiday so long, why didn’t go back?"

I have no answer to that.

I guess I’m lookin’ for My Self. I needed the time to be alone, I needed the time to figure out who and what I’m goin to be, and what I want to do with the remaining time I have in University. Graduation is a bittersweet thing. I’m not very enthusiastic about it.

Thanks to lizardworkshop for sharing his wonderful and inspiring books by Paul Arden {It’s not how GOOD you are, It’s how GOOD you want to be} & {Whatever You Think, ETISOPPO EHT KNIHT}. I heard those books have been banned in M’sia, NO friggin IDEA WHY though.

It’s all about how to go against the norm, be different and special. I love a part where Paul says, "BEING right is based upon knowledge and experience and is often provable. Knowledge comes from the past, so it’s safe. It is also out of date. It’s the opposite of originality. If you can prove you’re right, you’re set in a concrete. You cannot move with the times or with other people. Being right is also being BORING. Your mind is CLOSED. You are NOT open to new ideas. You are rooted in your own rightness, which is ARROGANT. People who are right are rooted in the past, rigid-minded, DULL and SMUG. There’s NO talking to them." Woohoo! How true!

"Risks are a measure of people. People who won’t take them are trying to PRESERVE what they have. People who take RISKS often end up by having MORE. Some risks have a future, and some people call them wrong. But being right may be like walking backwards proving where you’ve been."