Novzix : A Tiny Dot In This Gigantic Galaxy

This morning I woke up with a strong conviction that I will QUIT this job before it’s too late, before I suffer from heart or kidney failure or brain malfunction…or whatever that’s gonna take ME away from myself.

My intuition has been talking to me since day ONE but all along I fought against it cuz I didn’t wanna believe it.

Throughout the journey to work today (every other days too), I played different conversations that I’ve been constructing  over the months to break the news to everyone in d office and I imagined their faces… Will they be shocked as I’ve always acted like I was happy and all and i suddenly tell them i don’t wanna be here anymore? Will they be secretly happy cuz they’ve never liked me anyway? Will they think that phewh I finally do not have to pay $150 for government levy for hiring a foreign worker anymore? Will they ask me to finish my projects before I go off? Oh well, that’s gonna be the aftermath of the news.

I was revising the conversation. Should I tell my boss I need to negotiate with him? That I realized I loathe working from 10am - 6pm everyday? That I’d prefer working from home unless I need to meet up with clients, etc etc. But telling him what I want in order to keep me on this job will make me look so overly-demanding and of course BITCHY ! As much I like working with both of my young bosses, I just think that this place is not a conducive place for people to come up with creativity.

I know i’m lucky to get this kinda working time, have kind,
non-discriminative and flexible bosses, and get to surf WHATEVER during working hours, but if the garbage car, the pork
smell, the dusty constructions, the rotten streets and hideous hookers
& prostitutes are all almost becoming your soulmates <– all of these do not spark any cool imagination nor get inspirational creative idea…i guess i’m just finding excuses…to leave? =)) Anyways, I wish I could take someone with me to work one day and show you how everythin is it like. It’s gonna BLOW YOU AWAY in a negative way, definitely.

Waitin’ and anticipatin’ for
1. The birth of a newborn
2. Weekends
3. A Life-changing vacation
4. A new job that brings back my passion for design

All these waiting puts my sanity on a line as thin as a thread. I’m gonna wait no more, don’t wanna spend my last few months here complaining and whining about everything, it’s so not me ! I wanna make life worth living for *hang on sanity!*

It’s totally nerve-wrecking finding a new job, I gotta like start all over again, the anticipation, the fear of rejection, the stress, the wait in the interview room that makes me wanna pee in my pants and prior to all of that, waiting to be accepted ! And…and the worst of all is to do all of this behind a kind boss’s back

I’ve just sent our my résumé and hopefully I don’t seem over-demanding about my pay >.< *cross my fingers* If i get it, it’s gonna be a totally different job than what I’m doing now. I’m gonna be dealing with kids ! \:D/ Whatever the decision is, I hope they make it fast to cut the pain or to bring me joy

Oh yea i’m lovin’ One Republic’s - Dreamin’ Out Loud album. Coolness

It totally freaked me OUT when I viewed the works I’ve done throughout my stay here. I FLIPPED OUT !@*($&#$$)(#%R There’s NOTHING great, NOTHING proud that I could update my portfolio with ! Damn it ! The designs were either handed down by the ex-designer or they were my bosses’ / clients’ ideas, it’s during these recent past few months that I had the chance to start things on my own which yeah really made me proud but those are nothing great at all. Ahhh! How am i ever gonna get a new jobbbbbb SHIT! ~x( *sulks*

There’s so much to look forward to but I feel like I’m stuck in time the 1st half of this year, feels like the damn time doesn’t even move, I’m barely breathing …

But i digress…

It was really cool seeing the first blurry pictures of the baby fetus (of sis) from the ultrasound. I could see the face, the hand, the leg and ahh ! yeah … It’s a baby girl ! I’m so excited for her, we’re gonna go get a stroller and a car seat for the baby already today.

Oh well that makes me look forward to watching the sunset already… and the sun has just risen…marking the start of the day *YAWNSSSSS*

I hope it’s gonna be a boring day @ work so that I could figure and sort my messed up workplace and start focusing on work n not dreams anymore !!! Gah !

Peace,
It’s Me.

Just when I thought I was gonna lose my sanity and began to think that there’s nothing worthwhile to ponder about life anymore, things took a full 360 degrees turn around and I was swept off my feet completely, not in a romantic but a positively impressed manner.

Just when I thought I’d lost some people who I cared for alot, { people who’ve gone overseas and never looked back, people who’ve chosen to be with their other halves and lose their friends, people who are so focused on their careers and studies that nothing else matters except for job promotions and good grades or people who simply don’t know that I care} people that I barely knew came barging into my life, I was unprepared and I’ve always loved unpredictability and spontaneity !

Just when I thought loneliness has become a friend of mine, dream found me before i had the time to even dream; I’m moving closer to the ultimate escapism as each day passes by even though I still do put myself in the damn {EMO} mode every mornin’ no matter how many times I told myself I wanna wake up kickin’ n screamin’ every single day to make sure that I’m still alive !!!

I can’t believe i’m still using friendster blog, it’s ridiculously useless !!! Oh well, let it be.

Peace,
<3