The Higher You Aim, The Harder You Fall
Friday, April 20th, 2007I’m so full of crappy feelings I feel like xploding into pieces o_O
And no it has nothing to do with my period.
I’ve tried so many times to let it out, to try to talk it out, to confide in someone I trust. But I find myself crawling back into my own shell of protection. I can’t seem to swallow my pride and tell the great tale. I took pride in what I did. Part of me still believes what I had done was actually noble. Another part of me convinces me that it was utter stupidity. And I keep forcing myself to disagree with the latter. Cuz i’m prideful. It’s a hard battle. But I know the truth, deep inside I know I’m sinking.
Every single waking moment, every single frown I make with my unkempt eyebrows, every single breathe I make, even in my dreams, I think about it, I ponder about it, I meditate on it. Except for the times I force myself to laugh at things, it’s my only place of shelter. It’s been so long since I felt it’s so hard to share what I feel and what I’m going through with people just because of my stupid pride and also because I’m holding on to the positive side of me that whispers to me, "It’s all gonna be alright soon, have faith."
I thought work could take my mind off it, but the more I try to ignore somethin’, the more it haunts me. People say it’s harder avoiding somethin’ than facing it. It’s true in some sense but it’s not easy to just face somethin’ when ur heart is frail.
~ I miss happiness, smiles & laughter ~
