Novzix : A Tiny Dot In This Gigantic Galaxy

This is probably my last post here in this lifetime (see u in the next life if u still exist Friendster Blog:)

Looking back at all the things in life, I wouldn’t say I’ve achieved nothing. I might not be someone ambitious in career or look forward to bcome one. But I have alot of amazing, unforgettable people that joined in to colour my canvas. The colours now have run out, I need to finish all the touch ups before the palette runs dry so that I could start another painting in a brand new canvas in a brand new location with fresh inspiration.

People think I’m leavin cuz I wanna escape to a place where I think I can find happiness, People think I just wanna run away from everything instead of facing it, People think I’m just being a brat who just wanna have fun and refuse to accept facts of life, People think that I’ll have no steady careers if I leave. But people, it’s MY life and i get to decide how I wanna live it

I’m not running away from anything as I’ll have to come back eventually to start all over again. Happiness is always within ourselves, only I can decide if I want to be happy. Going somewhere far ain’t gonna help me find happiness, it’s just simply to expand the horizon that has been blocked by tall buildings, noisy broad highway and narrow-thinking minds.

I was just starting to complain abt things again, but complaining always makes me feel like i’m a hopeless victim so I wanna rise above that for the time being move on and look fwd instead !

Anyway, i’m writing in a new blog here http://www.bouncing-rubberball.blogspot.com, it ain’t gonna be anything fancy or fantastic, it just marks the beginning of a new painting in a brand new canvas ! Hmm the paints smell nice !

It’s a great feeling to have finally come to a point where:

Decisions Have Been Made
Plans Are Being Made
There’s Job To Be Resigned From
Friends To Be Abandoned Temporarily
Loved Ones To Be Left Behind But Kept Dearly In The Heart

and of course

Dreams Are Gonna Be Fulfilled
New Life Is Gonna Start
Strangers Are Gonna Be Welcomed
Friends Are Gonna Be Better Friends
Footprints Are Gonna Be Left Here & There
People Are Gonna Bring Impact From All Walks of Life

In the midst of suffocation, struggles, heartaches, loneliness & depression throughout the entire year, the entire stay here, my imagination and dreams have done wonders to keep me alive, as the old proverb goes EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING.

So here it is - I MARK the very beginning of my life.
 

This morning I woke up with a strong conviction that I will QUIT this job before it’s too late, before I suffer from heart or kidney failure or brain malfunction…or whatever that’s gonna take ME away from myself.

My intuition has been talking to me since day ONE but all along I fought against it cuz I didn’t wanna believe it.

Throughout the journey to work today (every other days too), I played different conversations that I’ve been constructing  over the months to break the news to everyone in d office and I imagined their faces… Will they be shocked as I’ve always acted like I was happy and all and i suddenly tell them i don’t wanna be here anymore? Will they be secretly happy cuz they’ve never liked me anyway? Will they think that phewh I finally do not have to pay $150 for government levy for hiring a foreign worker anymore? Will they ask me to finish my projects before I go off? Oh well, that’s gonna be the aftermath of the news.

I was revising the conversation. Should I tell my boss I need to negotiate with him? That I realized I loathe working from 10am - 6pm everyday? That I’d prefer working from home unless I need to meet up with clients, etc etc. But telling him what I want in order to keep me on this job will make me look so overly-demanding and of course BITCHY ! As much I like working with both of my young bosses, I just think that this place is not a conducive place for people to come up with creativity.

I know i’m lucky to get this kinda working time, have kind,
non-discriminative and flexible bosses, and get to surf WHATEVER during working hours, but if the garbage car, the pork
smell, the dusty constructions, the rotten streets and hideous hookers
& prostitutes are all almost becoming your soulmates <– all of these do not spark any cool imagination nor get inspirational creative idea…i guess i’m just finding excuses…to leave? =)) Anyways, I wish I could take someone with me to work one day and show you how everythin is it like. It’s gonna BLOW YOU AWAY in a negative way, definitely.

Waitin’ and anticipatin’ for
1. The birth of a newborn
2. Weekends
3. A Life-changing vacation
4. A new job that brings back my passion for design

All these waiting puts my sanity on a line as thin as a thread. I’m gonna wait no more, don’t wanna spend my last few months here complaining and whining about everything, it’s so not me ! I wanna make life worth living for *hang on sanity!*

It’s totally nerve-wrecking finding a new job, I gotta like start all over again, the anticipation, the fear of rejection, the stress, the wait in the interview room that makes me wanna pee in my pants and prior to all of that, waiting to be accepted ! And…and the worst of all is to do all of this behind a kind boss’s back

I’ve just sent our my résumé and hopefully I don’t seem over-demanding about my pay >.< *cross my fingers* If i get it, it’s gonna be a totally different job than what I’m doing now. I’m gonna be dealing with kids ! \:D/ Whatever the decision is, I hope they make it fast to cut the pain or to bring me joy

Oh yea i’m lovin’ One Republic’s - Dreamin’ Out Loud album. Coolness

It totally freaked me OUT when I viewed the works I’ve done throughout my stay here. I FLIPPED OUT !@*($&#$$)(#%R There’s NOTHING great, NOTHING proud that I could update my portfolio with ! Damn it ! The designs were either handed down by the ex-designer or they were my bosses’ / clients’ ideas, it’s during these recent past few months that I had the chance to start things on my own which yeah really made me proud but those are nothing great at all. Ahhh! How am i ever gonna get a new jobbbbbb SHIT! ~x( *sulks*

There’s so much to look forward to but I feel like I’m stuck in time the 1st half of this year, feels like the damn time doesn’t even move, I’m barely breathing …

But i digress…

It was really cool seeing the first blurry pictures of the baby fetus (of sis) from the ultrasound. I could see the face, the hand, the leg and ahh ! yeah … It’s a baby girl ! I’m so excited for her, we’re gonna go get a stroller and a car seat for the baby already today.

Oh well that makes me look forward to watching the sunset already… and the sun has just risen…marking the start of the day *YAWNSSSSS*

I hope it’s gonna be a boring day @ work so that I could figure and sort my messed up workplace and start focusing on work n not dreams anymore !!! Gah !

Peace,
It’s Me.

Just when I thought I was gonna lose my sanity and began to think that there’s nothing worthwhile to ponder about life anymore, things took a full 360 degrees turn around and I was swept off my feet completely, not in a romantic but a positively impressed manner.

Just when I thought I’d lost some people who I cared for alot, { people who’ve gone overseas and never looked back, people who’ve chosen to be with their other halves and lose their friends, people who are so focused on their careers and studies that nothing else matters except for job promotions and good grades or people who simply don’t know that I care} people that I barely knew came barging into my life, I was unprepared and I’ve always loved unpredictability and spontaneity !

Just when I thought loneliness has become a friend of mine, dream found me before i had the time to even dream; I’m moving closer to the ultimate escapism as each day passes by even though I still do put myself in the damn {EMO} mode every mornin’ no matter how many times I told myself I wanna wake up kickin’ n screamin’ every single day to make sure that I’m still alive !!!

I can’t believe i’m still using friendster blog, it’s ridiculously useless !!! Oh well, let it be.

Peace,
<3

Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water
in it. he held it up for all to see & asked the students,’ How much do you
think this glass weighs?’

‘50gms!’ ….. ‘100gms!’ ……’125gms’ ……the students answered.

‘I really don’t know unless I weigh it,’ said the professor, ‘but, my question
is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?’

‘Nothing’ the students said.

‘Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?’ the professor
asked.

‘Your arm would begin to ache’ said one of the students.

‘You’re right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?’

‘Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis
& have to go to hospital for sure!’ ventured another student & all the
students laughed.

‘Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?’asked the
professor.

‘No’

‘Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?’ The students were
puzzled.

‘Put the glass down!’ said one of the students.

‘Exactly!’ said the professor.’

Life’s problems are something like this.

Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.
Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache.
Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to
do anything.

It’s important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but EVEN
MORE IMPORTANT to ‘put them down’ at the end of every day before you go to
sleep. That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong
& can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!’

So, as it becomes time for you to leave office today, remember friend to ‘PUT
THE GLASS DOWN!’

Just for laugh !

" TO ALL YOU LADIES OUT
THERE "

This incident happened on air …

Yasmin
Yusof, a DJ on Radio 4 asked listeners on her radio

program to call to
answer trivia questions. The first caller

to give the correct answer
would get a prize.

She asked:

"Can anyone out
there tell me the household name of Sodium

Chloride"

A caller who
is a housewife called up eager to answer the

question. Not knowing the
answer to the question, she asked

Yasmin for a clue.

"Something
you put on your husbands eggs in the morning." she

said.

The lady
confidently said : "Talcum powder".

Yasmin Yusof did not return to the
air until after a few

songs!

*giggles* Go figure !

*grabbed from forwarded emails*

Been here for more than a month and still can’t make myself like this place.

Places that u usually think have greener grass most often disappoint you to a point that makes you feel like you should just go home where u belong. Nonetheless, it does not stop me from FANTASIZING that there are certainly places who have greener grass than where I came from and where I am. Places who can accept me for who I am without discrimination. Places where people are neither PRETENTIOUS nor try to overly & excessively SUGARCOAT everything. Well, is that too much to ask for? Maybe. Maybe the place is called paradise. Since no human is perfect, I don think there is a place that’s perfect too. Well, I didn’t ask for a paradise. Just am lookin’ for a place which is more LIVABLE, HABITABLE & ENDURABLE or I’ll be as inhumane as a rock.

WORK: what once seemed manageable now seem daunting, insane, unreasonable & beyond human comprehension. Every single day i go to work with a soggy long face, refuse to go. Overpowering my anger is a sense of determination. A voice inside of me urge :

" If you can’t get through this, you can’t get through anything else. "

Sometimes I could just stare at the office blankly for a long time n can’t come up with any  ideas. It wasn’t so much a mental block as it was a mental overload.Everyday is a test for me. Everyday i imagining the worst that could happen. But when each day’s over, I’ll chide myself for my paranoia.

_____________________________________________________________________

I flippin’ miss my time spent in the tiny li’l town I’m from. I used to have NOTHING to do other than watch my toenails grow. PEACEFUL.

______________________________________________________________________

Some random pictures of Singapore Firewox Celebration in Aug 2007 :

After having had the train to bore me triumphantly to a dawn arrival at Johor Bharu @ 6.09a.m this morning, I was completely drained. The train was shaking, ppl were talking in some weird language, a couple was makin’ out on the deck across of mine with curtains wide opened, the P.A. system was full of cobwebs as the sound that came through was crackling like mad, the announcer was so dumb he didn’t know every human on that train has hearing ability and didn’t even know the PA system was working, he tapped the microphone for about a billionth times and repeated TEST TEST TEST TEST TEST TEST TEST TEST TEST TEST TEST TEST a quintillionth times, it was so fudging annoying that some hibernating homo sapiens sounded like there were gonna rip the train apart.

Once I reached the Lion City, I was offered a ride but I declined as I had lotsa time to waste till I can start havin butterflies n some other insects flying in my stomach for tmr’s "event". Since I haven’t really Queued up in a long time, I decided to join the "fun" in waiting for taxis. It was a tad boring as there were no leng zais to see, i began to regret declining the offer and almost called up someone to get me. But I didn’t. Then there’s this restless guy standing bhind me, he’s totally like ah beng - with dark skin and golden bright blonde highlight, eeew! When he picked up his phone to tell his boss he’s gonna b late, I knew I was right, he talked like ah beng too. Since he’s just right bhind me, I couldn’t help overhearing his calls. He called up his workmates n sorta begged them in a very ah beng way to call a cab for him, but from the sound of it, nobody cared.

So, he acted like nothing happened, started humming n singing away, eew! It was … ew. He was really getting agitated n restless as he was counting in hokkien yit, ji, sa, si ……chap si! aw shiiiii…! one person went into the cab and he started counting again in mandarin, yi er san si …. shi san? grrrrrrrr. I was already so dead tired and this retarded guy was just right behind me, I felt like giving him a tight slap! After 30 mins or so, our Q bcame shorter, oni a few persons away, then we all saw 2 Indon looking guys appeared out of nowhere, cut the Q, tried to hail for the next taxi. Nobody dared utter a word, they looked pretty ganas. Then suddenly the ah beng shouted WWWWA……LANNNN EH!! EHH EEEEEYYYY! YOU! YOUUU! U! TURN BY TURN!! the guys acted dumb, but the ah beng didn’t stop, he continued shouting until the taxi driver told them to Q up. I was worried that I might become deaf.

Suddenly the Indon guys turned n stared straight at the ah beng, like a tiger would when it sees a yummylicious prey. I turned cold. But God was on our side, there were patrol police carrying guns walking around there so those guys disappeared without a trace. When the cab finally came for me, I was completely relieved.